Have a magically delicious day!

2003-11-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

I leave you with this~

One question...why do people suck? The world has the choice to be nice, or not nice, and the world chooses misery. I am tired of everything, and just about everybody. For the first time in my life, I have stoped caring. It is no longer worth it. My inner child is dead. I no longer want to share or to try to brighten people's day. And I no longer want to post my life in a blog.

and the blog dies

2003-11-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

I ate alone!~

Why did I eat alone you ask? Well, that is because my lunch date stood me up! I was supposed to have a lunch date with an old friend and I didn't get a chance to talk to her today to confirm so I waent to the restaurant and ate anyway. But no friend! I got stood up! I have never been stood up before! I guess the "power of Shane" is wearing off. hahahaha

Oh, and on another note, I am way over due to make a blog entry about one of the hottest friends I have,,,,Kelly! (About time eh Kelly!) For any single guys out there that are looking for a hot girl that wants a relationship, someone that is cool to hang out with, someone that is very good to her man, someone that will make you happy and brighten all of your days, this is the woman for you. If you only talked to her on the phone you would like her, and when you saw her, you would definately be impressed! So guys, get her while she's hot! Kelly is Da Bomb! Luvs ya babe! And thanks for being there for me when I was down and everything else!

Happy Friday Everybody!

2003-11-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Wednesday!~

It is the middle of the week and I feel like I have had a vacation. I have been laying low and avoiding just about everyone and everything for a few days now and I have had a chance to think about stuff. There is so much on my mind lately and the people that think they know what I have on my plate only know a part of it. I am not trying to whine because everyone has crap on their plate and it is just part of liife. Some have more crap than others and hat is not me. If you grade on a curve, I do not have very much to worry about these days but it still seems like alot. I have always had problems and dealt with them very well. I have never been one to worry or let stuff get me down. I was trying to figure out why things seem so tough lately when I know I have been through much worse times. I figured it out this morning, I was lying there doing my morning ritual of thanking God (or luck or fate or life whatever you believe brings things into your life) and I had an epiphany! I care! Since the time that I was forced to look at myself and hated what I saw, I have been trying to be a better person, and that is actually harder than I ever thought it would be. Not giving a damn about who thinks bad of you and only worrying about making yourself happy is a great life! I have always advised people to look out for number one and be thankful for what you have if you want to be happy. Well, now I can say that from the other side of the fence. And I can say now with no doubt, make yourself happy and be thankful for what you have, not upset about what you don't have. Look for things to be thankful for, not things to complain about. Have fun and smile and those around you will smile too. You have the choice to bring smiles to people or bring them down and I think there is a hortage of happiness around lately. So, I urge everyone to make someone smile today. And smile yourself! It is the cheapest way to improve your appearance.

2003-11-11T06:20:00.000-08:00

I really liked this~

SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the day:
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women
to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with.

2003-11-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

A quick entry~

Here goes...

The world sucks! When I see the atrocities that happen in life to good people I get sick thinking about it!

I hate people that always look at the negative. If these people really had a bad life, how could they possibly get through it.

I hate when people think that everything is about them. The paranoid self absorbed type is hard on the head.

Any man that ever hits a woman should be burned in the street. With the exception of someone hurting kids, womanbeaters are the worst people on Earth.

Why is it that when some people are given too much they don't appreciate it and just keep grabbing for more?

Did anyone notice how the blogging thing exploded and then got old so quickly? I let mine die a bit to try and end the comment wars. The was too much headache.

How would you handle someone breaking into your email? Possibly through Wue or maybe finding out your password? I am pretty pissed about that.

Mondays suck!

2003-11-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

I have an addiction!~

I know it has been a long time since I posted but it is so hard to find the time. I am usually only on the computer at work and with the work I have to do there isn't a lot of time to spare. And what time I have to spare, and even a little more than I should spare, is being consumed by my terrible addiction to messenger. I can't help it! I get to talk to ladies all day online and they are all so great, especially the bad ones! (You know who you are!) hahaha I can finally understand how people can sit in front of a computer all day, because people can be as fun and wild as they want on messenger and it is all in fun. I have never had women make offers and say things in person that the privacy of messenger allows them to do. But it has to end! I have to stop being so chatty at work because it is too hard to focus, I could have time to spare but I am just getting by timewise. SO from now on, I am only going to partake in important conversations while working. No more three and four chats going at once! So, from now on, if it is not important, just email me!

Another poll~

I know I try not to vent about Amy in this blog but I need some unbiased opinions. Everyone knows that I stay at Amy's place and watch Connor until she gets home after work. She is off at 12:30. You also know we have recently been though alot of emotional crap that is pretty much subsided. Now I work dayshift, so I get up early. Staying at her place until 1 is bad enough without her getting in long calls and such but I want to get everyubody's opinion on a recent occurence. Was this shitty or not. Keep in mind Amy doesn't get out alot and keep in mind this is her place. She gets off at 12:30 like I said and I was waiting for her to get home so I could go home and she did not get home until 1:40 and she brought a guy home from work with her. I guess she waited for him to get off to come home. She got a cab so she wasn't waiting for a ride, just waiting to bring him home. Now the question is: Was that a dirty thing to do, or am I just being a picky bitch? (be honest please!)

2003-10-29T08:25:00.000-08:00

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2003-10-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

The I-Max is Awesome!~

There I was sitting in front of the hugest movie screen that I have ever seen waiting for "Ghosts of The Abyss" to start. It is a movie about the Titanic and a mission to film deeper into the Titanic's interior than has been seen since the sinking. They used two small camera carrying bots named Jake and Elroy to travel deep into the heart of the sunken giant. Now, I am not a huge Titanic follower and don't really get the whole hoopla about a sunken ship. Shit happens, get over it. But I have always wanted to check out the I-Max and this was a 3-D movie which I thought was cool. So there I was listening to the pre-movie explanation of how the I-Max can create such a large image and have such amazing sound, amazed at the sheer size of the screen. It took up the whole wall of the theater instead of the narrow verticle strip we are used to seeing. Never having been to a 3-D movie it was hard to imagine it being as real as it was. Withing the first 10 minutes of putting on those terribly goofy goggles, I leaned back once and ducked twice. I managed to resisit reaching out to touch things that seemed within grasp though. And I am serious, it wasn't easy. I would recommend to anyone that has a chance, see a 3-D feature wt the I-Max, it is well worth the trip.

But on a less pleasant note, Amy recently got a sweet little kitten so that Connor would have something to torture to insanity, lol, but it turns out that our boy has asthma. The cat seems to have instigated an attack of sorts the has caused the poor little guy to have the crupe and need to start on an inhaler. He is in rough shape ad luckily his Mom has goten all of the stuff he needs and is home looking after him. (Thanks Mommy!) And Daddy will be home tomorrow to be there for the little guy. I hope it doesn't take long for him to feel better because it is so hard seeing your kid sick and Amy is there through the worst of it today. She has her faults but she is a good Mom and I thank God for that. Gotta runn folks, have a good day!

2003-10-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT~

1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!
3. Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
4. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder? What the hell was I thinking?
5. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.
6. How could two people as beautiful as you... Have such an ugly baby?
7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ... I've changed my mind.
8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life... I never believed in Hell till I met you.
9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.
10. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ... would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
11. Someday I hope to get married. But not to you.
12. Happy birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!
13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
14. We have been friends for a very long time... what say we stop?
15. I'm so miserable without you .... it's almost like you're here.

And to the people that have already read these, caught ya! lol

2003-10-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Texas Chili~

If you can read the whole story without tears of laugher running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a real, Texas chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here were the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge # 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild
Judge # 3 (Frank): HOLY SHIT, what the hell IS this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this crap. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge # 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3: Call the EPA: I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sloshed from all of the beer, but it's the only way to keep from spontaneously combusting

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out tastebuds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. chick is starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I can't help but wonder if I'm ruining my chances to have children by eating this radioactive gut slag. Also, it's really pissing me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. A minute ago, I crapped in my pants when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that sexy looking Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge # 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like crap to match my shirt. At least during my autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8: Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
Judge # 1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2: This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge
#3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

2003-10-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

I don't think it's funny~

I am not sure how many people out there have had a near death experience but when you are in a situation where you truly believe that you could die, it is very traumatic. Now there is one good friend of mine who laughed at my tale of terror. You guys be the judge! Funny or horrific?

It was a few years ago when my Dad had some pigs on his little hobby farm. Now these were not normal sized pigs, these were huge sows. With the guts and hide removed they still weighed over 350lbs each. That is a big Fucking pig! One day these monsters got out of their pen by lifting the fencing with their snouts which are amazingly strong. These animals can lift the side of a car with their noses if that gives you an idea. So, I go about getting them back in the pen baiting them with bread and managed to get them penned again. I put a couple of pallets up to block the hole but when he came home, my Dad insisted that they needed to be on the inside so they would not get pushed through.

So while everyone was in the barn with the radio going I stroll around the back of the barn to the pen where I trudge through the foot and a half deep mud to get to where the hole in the fence was. It is only about 12-15 feet across but the mud is so deep and sticky you almost need to hold your boot on while pulling your foot up to take a step. But I get to the back and start trying to nail the pallet over the hole. I guess my hammering disturbed one of the big fuckers that turned out to be really playful because she was in heat. Yes, that is right, a big pig in heat.She starts pushing me and, as I mentioned before, they are insanely strong animals. I manage to grab the top of the fence which consists of a 1x4 board being held o the barn by 2 nails that you wouldn't want your life hanging on. So she starts flipping me up against the side of the building. I am holding onto a piece of strapping while I am vio;ently slammed against the fence and barn by the biggest sow you will probably ever see. I am yelling for help but noone can hear me over the radio. I am pounding the barn with the hammer but I am supposed to be hammering anyway so who would notice? This goes on for about 5 minutes when I realize that I cannot run across the pen because it is mud, it is getting harder and harder to hang on and this big horny pig is still flopping me all over the place. If I slip I am surely going to end up in the mud and this creature will surely keep playing. There is no way to get up from your back in that kind of muck so I would have to roll over and try to get up and if she got on me, I would never be able to get my face out of the deep mud. I know it sound funny to some people,(sicko!) but if you are ever faced with drowning in a pool of mud under a horny pig but it is a terrible thought.

I spent another 10 minutes at least facing this and getting banged and bruised screaming for help before my Dad came around the back to see what was going on. Now, can you believe tha someone would laugh at my terrifying experience? Most of you could never imagine what it is like to be pounded and tossed by a big pig in heat (unless you like picking up at the Guildwood. lol) and I hope you never find yourself in this situation! So be careful around large horny animals!

A couple of jokes that I thought were funny!~

An Newfie came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!". "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?". "Shucks , don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
"The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" *

Have a good day everyone! *SMILE*

2003-10-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

A blog neglected~

It has been a while since my last post. Thanks to the bane of the Quality Department known as VTO it has been crazy trying to get my work done. It has also come to my attention that something Jamie said about me may have been right. (I know, admitting Jamie is right is not like me. lol) It is hard to write without the drama. My life is so full of angst, most of which is not something I am going to broadcast, and it is hard to write around it. I tend to write from my heart and just let whatever wants to pour out fill my entry and when I try to hold back the angst, there is not much left. There is a terrible blemish in every corner of my life right now. Everything that should be happy and calm is choppy now and it doesn't look like it will calm down any time soon. But this is life and we all live it. Each of us has angst and turmoil, some are strong and carry it all on their shoulders and smile for the world while some cry and moan and darken all of the light that surrounds them. I know that I have been negative and still have lapses but in my most positive eyes here is still alot going on around me that is hard to smile through. I can already see the anonomous comments saying that I am a bitching whiner and deserve problems and so on but to those people, BLOW ME! (I could use a little fix, I may be going for a personal record of behaving!) Anyway, I gota run. I didn't plan on making this a bitch blog but like I said, I jus start typing and see what comes out and this is what came out today. I like blogging, it helps vent. So if it is negative, don't read it. I write for me, not anyone else.

2003-10-08T15:45:00.000-07:00

The Best, bar none!~

There is something that most of you don't know about me. And I think it's time I let it out. I am not trying to brag, but I am one of the greatest lovers in the world. Sure, some of you are skeptical, but it is proven. Every woman I have ever been with has had the same reaction. When it was over, when they regained the power of speach, they all looked up at me with that look of awe! And they all say the same thing, (and I never get tired of hearing it) they look into my eyes and with complete amazementand say, "I can't believe it! Amazing! I have never seen anybody ever do what you have done,,,so quickly!"

That's right everyone, it's true. I am the greatest because I have never been raced! Not by anyone! I am undefeated 71-0. Hell, sometimes I amaze myself. They don't call me "The best minute and a half of a woman's life" for nothing. And I am sure that some of you are overwhelmed with jealousy but that's life. Not everyone can have a perfect record. And not everyone can be the best. I don't know if there is a record but if you start timing apon entry, my best time is just under -1.23 minutes. Yes, that is a negative number, but when you are good you are good and if I am on my game, hell, she doesn't even have to get cleaned up afterwards!

And if I was ever going to do a standup comedy routine, that would be the meat of it. It probably doesn't carry over well in a blog but I think it's pretty funny stuff. I hope someone had a laugh out of it. I know my friends have all heard it before (many times lol) so they will just be shaking their heads at me. They do that alot. I think that instead of calling our group the Drama Club, it should be known as the Tough Room! hahaha

2003-10-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

The weekend is over~

Well, it's Monday and the weekend has come and gone. Not terribly eventful but not what you would call boring. There was lots of drama which is expected in my circle of friends! (I love you guys) There was some shitty stuff that I will not mention but you know who you are and you will get the hint soon that you can't upset people with stupid digs when they really don't care what you think. But I doubt it. We all have our hobbies, knitting, collecting, video games, making people feel like shit by being vindictive, playing cards or maybe watching movies. Everybody enjoys something different in their life and it is hard to change your ways. So on a brighter note there hasn't been anyone trying to get in my window for days now.

The weekend highlights~

I got to see my roommate in a splendor that can only be descried as glowing. I know she has boycotted the blogs so she won't see this but I will tell everyone else that she is one of the most beautiful people I know and I love her very much.

Sean O'mac is still on the injured list but he is a trooper and managed to get in a little partying.

I had a most indepth encounter on my bathroom floor which resulted in a day of picking sparkles off of me. lol (I guess that sounds better than it was but I hope she knows I love her and have conveniently forgotten everything that was said. I hope she returns the favor.)

I walked away from temptation this weekend to the amazement of my friends.

I helped a friend find at least one room in her new home.

Listened to House of Pain's "Jump Around" way too many times.

I tried to convince a beautiful young lady that she is indeed still sexy even if some people think she is cute.

Got to touch some boobies through a shirt! hahahaha

Managed to be a jerk for telling people I missed my son because I chose to stay away from Amy's place when she has company and got a babysitter for him Saturday night. Something I rarely do, in fact I think it was the third time ever that I got a sitter on my night with him. Wait until I go away!

Tried to teach a friend that she doesn't have to do everything for everybody all of the time but I think I failed at that.

And that is all I can think of right now. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

2003-10-03T06:35:00.000-07:00

I think we gotta move~

Some of you may remember the story about the guy letting himself into our apartment looking for one of our friends and trying to get cigarettes and beer. Well, I guess this is chapter 2. About 2am I hear these drunk guys outside my apartment and they are yelling to someone inside the next apartment and banging on the door. I laugh it off thinking I am glad they're not banging on my door. I listen to them knocking and yelling to be let in and one of the guys is talking about waiting until tomorrow to take care of it but they are still outside mumbling and walking around. Like most people, I find the antics of the terribly drunk amusing so I was just enjoying the entertainment until I hear "There is an open window there.". It is at that point that I realize how clearly I can hear these guys so I look back over my shoulder and notice that my window is indeed open. And as I am asking myself if they mean my window I see a silhouette of a guy placing his hands on my screen trying to slide it aside. I couldn't believe it. I am not a violent man but coming in my window at 2 am is a one way trip. So I get up and go over to the window facing the dark shape behind the curtain not quite sure what to do. So, in my sternest, most intimidating voice I say "And what the fuck are you looking for?!" to which a high pitched desperate voice says one word, "Nicole?". Again, in my manliest of voices, I tell him "I think you got the wrong house Buddy!" and again the sad desperate voice squeeks out one word, "Linda?". Now, if he thought that the voice he heard was someone named Linda, I hope I never get that hard up for some female company. Now I am getting pretty pissed at the thought of someone trying to come in my bedroom window so I tell him that he better get the fuck away from my place before I come outside and that seemed to be enough to convince him to make his way. Now, I am not sure what people have to deal with in their day to day routines but am I the only person that has strangers trying to come in their windows? Or is this something that happens from time to time and everyone has a story about window visitors?

2003-10-02T06:18:00.000-07:00

The votes are in~

I was hoping for more of a hostile reaction to the poll yesterday but I believe that Steve's comment may have quelled the bloodthirsty. I was curious to see the reaction that people would have and I was pleasantly surprised to see that most people either didn't comment or were of the opinion that nothing good could come of such actions. I truly believed that there would be alot of anonomous comments looking for me to use this as a means to really try make people hate Amy. But, as I told my friends when I posted yesterday, I would never try to make people hate Amy. I encourage Amy to persue her own happiness wherever she may find it because I do love her and want her to be happy. But one time I will make a list of all of the things that I hold against her. One time I will vent all of the things that she did that deserve to be known. I am sure that some of you want to know what she has done wrong and I won't disappoint you. What follows is a list of all of the wrongs that Amy has committed since this all began. I am not doing this so that people will hate her, but so that people will know the truth about the things she has done. So here it is:

1~
Amy has come between two best friends. I can only remember having one best friend in my entire life because I have a hard time getting close to people. I think that she should have made a better choice of guys to be with because a friendship like that is rare and should never be messed with. But that is how life goes.

So that is my list. This is what I think Amy has done wrong. And I may even be wrong about this as well but it is my opinion. I don't think anyone should hold any hard feelings against Amy for trying to make her life better. It has always been my opinion that each person should persue their own happiness in life because happiness doesn't just happen. You have to make it happen. You have to find your own smile because nobody else will do it for you.

Smile of the day~

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

2003-10-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

If we make it through December~

Actually I don't know what we have to make it through but the most pressing issue on my mind could reach it's peak today. I hope that everything goes well. A few of you know what I am talking about and I would ask that no comments be made about it. Please. You know why.

It's Wednesday and it looks like Friday is going to be a big day for a good friend of mine and I think that everyone should make a big deal about it. Jamie turns 28 that day and since she is not working Friday we should torment her on Thursday. You know she would make a fuss for you so get out your fantasia gift certificates and get her somthing that she will really enjoy. (hint: She has been eyeing this gas powered riding machine that has 18 speeds and there is only one way to grip to hold on. It's a hands free kinda bucking bronco if you know what I mean.) lol Just kidding Jamie. You know I love you and I will be by your side on your special day,,,until you guy ditch me to go to the guildwood! hahahaha And if you see her out and she is able to stand under her own power, buy her another drink! I will have the shower ready for you Jamie! And maybe even a grilled cheese sandwich!

Poll time~

Now as most of my closer friends know, Amy has gone from playing little games to upset me to being outright dirty. Since I stopped letting her get to me with her little digs and stories about how her and Sean are done and how she loves me and so on, she has turned to vulgar insults and saying things that are just plain mean spirited. The poll I would like to take is this. Should I let everybody know through my blog the things she has said or should I never acknowledge that she is even in my life? Do I boycott her and hope she gives it up soon or should I show everyone how this "sweet innocent victim" reacts to me trying to support her decisions by doing what's best for her and just moving on? I really hope everybody that reads this will give their opinion. You don't have to leave your name but I am curios to see how many people are actually following this.

2003-09-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

I hate moving~

Well I usually try to make an entry on Friday but I had too much on my mind and I tend to put it in print so I thought it best to maybe let it slide. But I am back today. A little sore from moving not one, not two, but three people yesterday. But I am strong like bull (or full of bull maybe) and made it through the day.

And of course, being the slacker he is, Sean O'Mac ditched us! Some stupid excuse about about breaking his knee and needing surgery. You know, the same old story that everybody uses. lol But seriously, Dude, I hope you're getting along OK. Haven't heard from you so if you might be getting the chance to read this, get better Bud. And by the way, if you haven't read your sister's blog lately, you might wanna bypass it, at least for the last few entries. Trust me!

I would also like to say Hooray! because last night I slept 9 hours. The first good sleep I have had in a long time. And that is just about it today. Not much of a post but I am sure the comments will entertain someone. (Jerry Jerry Jerry) lol

Smile of the day~

And guess who the smile of the day is about today! You guessed it ~ Connor! We are teaching him where his body parts are so when you tell him to show you his nose, he will touch his nose or if you tell him to show you his ears he willl try to rip them off and so on. But he is a comedian at heart and sometimes when you tell him to show you his ears he will be just about to touch his ears and he will switch quickly to his nose and laugh at us. The boy is already a clown and I have no idea where he gets it. Must be from his Mom!

2003-09-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

Was I used?~

I would like to say something to all of the people that want to know if they were used. What did you think I meant when I told you that anything that happened was all in fun? Some of you have seen what I have posted and came back to me acting all upset and giving me a hard time about using you and lying to you. I never lied to you or promised you anything. I told you right out it was just fun so I ask you, was I used? Was I just meaningless fun? It sure looks like that. I did lie to Amy but I had no commitment to her and she knows how to lie just as well as the next person. To the people that I have been with that didn't give me shit and didn't put on the victim front, thank you for being an adult. Thank you for realizing that you knew where you stood and not pretending to be surprised and offended when I didn't tell you what wasn't your business. When you are in a don't ask don't tell situation, that is exactly what it is. There are a couple of you that I do like and have spent more time with than I had planned on and I have already talked to you and tried to make my peace. You know who you are and I hope we will always be at least friends. Especially to the one person who was there for me to listen to my problems and be a friend to me. Thank you and I hope that we are going to be cool.

But on a more pleasant note, I am feeling better about life again. The old Shane is just about back to his feet and ready to have some fun. I have come to realize that maybe the loss of the person wasn't what I was grieving but the loss of the situation. I think that the feeling of family was what I miss and not the relationship side. Anyone that knows me was confused about why I would be so upset about her when she has been so cruel in the past. And the more I think about it, the mother of my child is who I love, not Amy as a person if that makes sense. And the more I see the way she is the happier I am that she said no. I thanked her for that because this is what's best for everybody. She has what she wants now (with the exception of me suffering forever) and I am realizing that I have what I want, the chance to be truly free and open myself to the possibility of meeting the right girl for me. Aslong as things were going the way they were I would never have let anyone get close to me. don't get me wrong, I am in no hurry and I will take my time to have fun but maybe there is someone out there that I will want to be with and if I find that, I know I will be a good man for her. Better than I have ever been. So, on that note, I will get back to work. (I can imagine the comments flying for this post! lol)

2003-09-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

Shane O'Mac is insane!~

I haven't seen a very good pay per view in a while but I really enjoyed Unforgiven last night. With the exception of a couple of matches, it was a great show. And Shane O'Mac took yet another unbelievable leap from an insane height. That was worth the price of admission by itself. I will be surprised if he is around for RAW tonight. The Goldberg/Triple H match was all that I had expected it to be,,,CRAP! lol But what can you expect from an injured Triple H and someone with the finess and charisma of a bull? But overall it was a good show.

The weekend was not great. Uneventful and I think I hate the beach. lol (sorry Sean!) I think I am going to take a vacation from my life very shortly. Maybe a few days anywhere but here. I have some vacation time coming and I figure a trip will help me clear my head. The Drama club can make due without me for a while. hahahaha It is Monday and surprisingly enough I think I am going to have the tools I need to get some work done today. So I gotta get started. Everyone have a good day.

NOT WHAT SHE WANTED TO HEAR~

Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. His wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says....."Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well......there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".

2003-09-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Enough of the comments already~

I know that people are going to miss the Jerry Springer aspect of this cursed blog but can't we just shit on me and leave everybody else out of it. I don't want to have to police my blog comments all day to avoid having my friends cut to shit and I don't want people making accusations about others in my comments. This is supposed to be a place of entertainment and not a warzone. If it becomes neccessary to remove the comments link I will but I really don't want to do that. So let's just try to remember that this is my place to share with people. I have given enough to entertain I am sure so if you want to tear me up, go ahead. If it is not a vulgar disgusting comment and if it is only directed at me and none of my friends I will leave it there. I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion and if you are intelligent enough to give it with a little class it will be seen. And if my friends are going to be hurt by this I will just say "Fuck it!" and make a personal online diary.

Dear John,

I thought that I knew who you were but I believe now that I was wrong. I also believe that I have a good idea who you are and it disappoints me terribly. I was given reasons for pointing a finger but I have been thinking about it and there was someone else that would have fallen into the clues as well. But that is the last I will say about that. You know who you are and you are a trouble maker. You are not my friend and that will all come out in time I am sure.

Jerry Blogger~

Also, I would like to take this time to make an apology. An apology to someone who I misjudged and should have thought more of as a person. You are a good person, better than most, and I should never have thought that you would do something like that to hurt me. I know better now and hope that you understand.

2003-09-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

First things first, to John who so elequently commented on me and my efforts as of late, you made some interesting points in your comments and here is yet another inciteful opinion...BLOW ME!

I have no idea what to write which usually means I just let my thoughts pour out onto the page so who knows what's going to come out. Hmmmm. Nothing. I have nothing that is pressing on my mind. I am actually feeling at peace today. The first peace I've felt since this all started. I am happy. Happy for Amy, happy for him, happy for me. I feel this will all work out for the best in the long run. When your soul feels like it is in the center of a tornado thrashing around in chaos and when it clears, the feeling of calm is amazing. I am smiling on the inside now and the one pressing thought that is constant is of my best friend. I hope she knows I love her and I hope she knows she saved me. She was there for me and straightened me out when I couldn't see what I was doing to myself and those around me. Even when I was not there for her. But with any luck, she will find it in her heart to forgive me but if she doesn't, I will understand. The one chance I had to keep my promise to always be there for her has slipped by and there is no excuse for that. But know I am behind you no matter what you do Babe.

2003-09-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

And they laughed at me~

My friends all laughed at me when I thought that I had gout in my foot and when I went to the hospital, the quack on duty told me it was tendenitis. Well, I had to go to the hospital again today because my foot was threatening to bust out of my sneaker like The Incredible Hulk! (You would not like my foot when it gets angry!) The doctor today agreed with me and after some X-rays, he determined it was gout. SO now I am Gimpy the gout boy and the mocking has multiplied exponentially. But I can take it. I am tough and I have some great new pills that, if not taken with food, can casue ulcers and bleeding ulcers. lol Good stuff eh? I am glad I have gotten my appetite back! hahahaha

For those of you that have been reading along with my (to steal a word from the Blogger King) "angst" I am feeling better. Thanks to a good friend who knocked some sense into me and thankfully killed Sheep Farmer Shane forever. I have stopped the self pitying and started getting on with my life. I just hope I haven't burned any bridges with the people who care and matter most. So the self destructive tendencies have subsided, the public humiliation in my blog will be brought down to a minimum and I will just be Shane again. No longer "Poor Shane" or "Pity Parade Shane" but just "live for today and have fun Shane". I miss him. (I can hear the chants of Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! slowly quieting.) I am actually feeling pretty good about things. I am ready to move on and am actually pleased with the way things seem to be working out for everyone on the romantic side. So if my friends can forgive me and give me another chance, then all will be right in the world again. If they don't, I will understand. Very few people will know how pathetic I was and I deserve a good slap. (I just hope that I don't get the punch in the nuts with which I was threatened.) And for not being there when I was needed most, I am ashamed. I hope for another chance to try but when you fail someone who trusts you, that is a hard thing to forget. Especially when the you were being selfish and petty in their time of need. just know I love you Babe and want to be there for you, if it's not too late.

2003-09-17T14:56:00.000-07:00

Crazy,,,,,,,Crazy for feeling so lonely~
Crazy,,,,,,,Crazy for feeling this way!~

Yes, that's right, CRAZY!

Have you ever seen a stupid dog getting all worked up when his master is taunting him with a stick? And as soon as the master makes a move he sprints in the direction of the throw but the stick never left the hand. It is great fun for the master to see his stupid puppy tearing around looking for the prize that is not there. Well, I am tired of being that puppy. I am tired of looking for things that aren't there and annoying everyone around me jumping aroung yelping and scratching at their legs while they are trying to deal with their own issues. There comes a time when you gotta realize that you need to wait and see what you are looking for before you just go running afer it trusting that it will be there. Or else you just look stupid romping around while peole laugh at your foolishness. And that time for me is now.

I have been so caught up in my own pathetic whining and moaning that not only have I dragged all of my friends down, I have actually been to busy to be there for the people that have always been ther for me. You know who you are and all I can say is I hope it's not too late to earn your respect again. You are the best friend I have in my life and I was not there for you when you needed me. I let you down and I will throw that on top of the pile of mistakes I have made. I just want you to know that I love you and you were the only person who talked sense to me. I will not say the crap is over because I have said that more than once and it was just words so I will try to stop listening to the one voice that tries to keep me driving myself crazy and listen to common sense. It is time to start being a friend instead of being a burden to the best group of friends that a guy could have.

I guess this is not news, but I have been driving myself crazy for weeks now. Not sleeping, not eating, and not thinking straight. I have been looking for something that is not there and tearing at the walls refusing to believe that it is not where it should be. Not where I left it. But like anything in life, you need to take care of your things and keep them looked after or they get damaged, lost, or stolen. In my case I thought that mine was stolen for a long time but that is not the case. I neglected it, kicked it around and told everyone it was junk. Then a friend took it, wiped off the footprints, smoothed the dents I put in it and showed me that he could make something of it, all of a sudden I wanted it back. I kicked and screamed and when he explained that I had thrown it away I cried for it. And he did offer it to me and what did I do? I dropped it on the step and said I will be back for it later. And when he didn't want to leave it like that, wasting away I got sooky again. What was I thinking? I don't know. I wasn't. I have been trying to blame others for what's going on and I only have myself to blame. And I am the only person who can straighten myself out. I just hope I haven't damaged the other important stuff while throwing things aside looking for what I had lost.

2003-09-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

Leave my boy out of this!~

First things first, to the person who commented that I was an horrible person, that is not news. I was horrible to Amy but I was always good to my boy. Connor is my life and I don't think that any woman who would keep a child from his Dad for vengeful purposes should rot in hell. I have done all I can to gain some measure of trust and possibly start a road that might lead to eventual forgiveness. I can do no more than that and she knows that no matter how much of a dick I was, I always put my boy first. And if you condone a Dad being kept from his child for the Mom's personal revenge, then you are a complete asshole! And if you are just trying to make me appreciate Amy, I do. I have always known that things could be much worse and I have seen what that is like. But she knows that I love my son and I am grateful every day that I am a part of his life. Thank you Amy for not being one of those evil bitches!

I still have no idea how I have so many friends and why so many people are being supportive of me. It is not that I don't appreciate it but it is strange. If I was posting the same information laughing about it and being proud of what I have done, I would be lynched! And I truly believe that maybe I should be. Hell, I almost tried to kick my own ass there one night. It has actually been said that I am just trying to make myself look good by doing this. (think about it) There is not a woman that knows me who will trust me or have anything to do with me after this, (and that is OK, because I can't see me wanting anyone and I will not think about being with someone until I am a better person) I have suffered the humiliation of having my most personal and condemning acts announced to everyone who knows me, and if you thought walking over to a girl at a high school dance and having them shoot you down was bad, try losing the one you love because of the terrible person you were and having everyone you know see how much of an ass you were. That is not my idea of self promotion. But anyway, none of that matters, because I no longer want to just have fun with people because it is not fair to anyone involved. I did like the people that I had fun with, I truly did, but it didn't mean anything and people got hurt. I finally know what it feels like to get hurt and I don't ever want to be the reason anyone feels like this again. I have done it too many times. And I don't see me wanting more with anyone for a long time because I can't see me getting over this for some time. Besides, who would want to be with someone when they knew his heart belonged to another.

Laugh of the day~

I saw something today that made me laugh. I don't laugh much these days but I thought this was priceless. Read the introduction at the top of the page. It has been unaltered since I started my blog. Funny?

Inetrstenig
************
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Fcuknig amzanig huh?

2003-09-14T17:57:00.000-07:00

The Blog~

I know there are alot of blogs going around now and there are some great writers putting them out. I will never be a great writer but I can say this, I bet my blog is the juiciest! You will not see the kind of stuff that I have been posting anywhere else. And if you know of a blog with this much terribly personal and self destructive crap in it, let me know. I wouldn't mind checking that out.

There is not much else to say today. It's been kinda shitty but you all know the story. blah, blah, blah, Today was the worst day of my life, blah, blah, blah. Women are vengeful creatures and to the one who lied, and you know who you are, if you tried to hurt me you did. To the wonderful woman who slapped some sense into me today, thank you. You tried talking to me for so long and today you finally got your point across. And to the people that have hurt me the most, I wish you well. I want the best for both of you and hope that everything always works out for you in the end. And I mean that.

Tip of the day:
When someone gets annoyed when you try to act like a couple and constantly reminds you that there will never be anything there, LISTEN! When someone avoids most of the attempts you make to visit he probably doesn't really care. And when you want to have sex and he seems to be terribly against it, don't make him. It won't be any good if it is persueded by guilt. And if you are going to tell one lie, make it a good one that will really hurt someone. (But you got that one down already.)

2003-09-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

I have been weighed.~
I have been measured.~
And I have been found wanting.~

I may as well complete my shame for all of those who have been following it up until now.

I was hoping to wait things out and let Amy see how hard I am trying to be a better person and to see for myself that her and Sean are only friends but none of that was to be. I had illusions of how things would go and I was a fool. SO I decided to bite the bullet today. After yesterday when I announced to her and to everyone what an asshole I had been Amy and I were at her place talking. She was so sweet and I was so happy because she had been with Sean every Wednesday since the incedent and the fact that she called me on Wednesday showed me some hope. Until he called at 10:30 and I was a jerk because I thought he was off and wanted to come over. I was wrong, he actually had work which explained why I was called. He called to check on her because she had been crying to him earlier becaue of what I told her about the other girls. I left shortly afterwards and I left him a message apologizing to him for me behavior but I found out they were talking for an hour or so after I left.

SO today I called her in the morning to give her a chance to have me again completely, just her and I, with commitment. There was no answer at 12:30 and I figured she was still asleep. I decided to call Sean and apologize in person and guess who answered...Yes, Amy. I am such a fool. So I still made my offfer to her and got him to talk to me away from Amy so I could tell him my intentions. I asked him if he had any interest in building a relationship with her because if he did I would have stepped aside. Forget what he is doing now, he is genuinely the greatest guy I know and is better than me in every way. SO I explained clearly to both of them what I would offer and what I would expect in return.

My offer~

I told Amy that I would be with her if she wanted. I would be her man and try my best to be a good man. Better than I have ever been. If she didn't know what she wanted now I would wait and prove to her that I was going to be better for as long as she wanted to wait. With one condition, I can't have them being together. She could not be with him alone at her place or spend days with him. He asked me if she had to forget him completely or if he could be around when I was there or if they could talk on the phone. I said anything that friends do that wouldn't make me think that they might be getting together.

So in return for not spending quality time with a guy she says is just a friend I offered myself completely. I had to let her know that the offer was there and that it was real. All she had to do was not be with him and she said "no" I made sure there were no misunderstandings and she got pissy at me and just said "I gotta go." And who did she have at her place at 12 o'clock? You guessed it. I lose! There is no excuse for what I have done and no reason for her to want me back. So finally I can let go of the hope and move on. I wish the best for her and I really believe that her and Sean will fall in love because he is a great guy and I don't know how anyone could not fall in love with Amy. When she is at her best, she is awesome. She is beautiful and can be very sexy. I will miss what we had and I hope that nobody thinks ill of her. She has just had enough of the shit and who could blame her. Could you trust me?

2003-09-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

My Confession~

There are alot of people right now that are thinking poor Shane. Blaming Amy for hurting me and thinking she is a terrible person. I am here today to tell everybody how unfair that is to her. She has hooked up with one person besides me in the last three years. She did not sleep with him and she chose someone who was a good friend and someone that she trusted. So she was single for two years and waited at home for me. We were not a couple but she still waited for me and gave me all of her love. She thought that I had hooked up with some people and it bothered her but I assured her that I had not slept with anyone. I looked her in the eye and told her that I did not and would not sleep with anyone. I lied.

Over the last two years, while Amy was thinking that I was just being with her, I have had sex with multiple partners not counting Amy. That does not include all of the people that I had just hooked up with and had some fun. I lied to Amy about it and I lied to the girls I was with about it. There is no excuse for the things I have done. I was a total asshole. I will never ask to be forgiven for the things I have done because I don't deserve it. There is no excuse for the way I behaved except that I was selfish and completely oblivious to the feelings of others. So, why is it that people are saying "Oh, poor Shane!" or "Amy is a bitch!"? How is it that I am the one that is looking like a victim? It is not fair. I want everybody to know that it was always me that was being the asshole and almost all of my pain was from looking at myself and seeing the person I have been. I have lost my best friend and the only woman who really mattered to me, not because they were evil or wrong, but because I was a horrible person. I have given one sided stories and whined about how they did me wrong. What did they do wrong? They were both single and I had no right to get upset. I have lied, cheated, used and misled and still my friends stand beside me telling me I did nothing wrong. Telling me that she is not worth the pain but I want the world to know she is. I have lost her and we will move on but not without me telling the truth. I have always loved Amy even if I didn't admit it to myself. Now I am admitting it to everyone. I want what's best for her and I don't want anyone to think that I am a victim or that she did anything wrong. She did less with one person than I have done with many. She does not deserve to be treated like a bad person. I do. And that is just the way it is.

Before you comment and tell me that I didn't do anything wrong or that she did something wrong, put your self in her shoes. Two years of being lied to and made a fool of by a selfish asshole. Think about giving yourself to someone you trusted and loved for so long and having it all be a lie. Looking at the father of your child and seeing a lying pig who used you for so long. Think about it. What if it was you? Or your sister? There is no excuse. I just want the world to know that I have seen myself for what I was and do not like myself right now. But I am trying to be a better person.

2003-09-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Oops!~

The best thing in my life is Connor. I love him more than words can say. And one of my favorite things is when I go to be with him after work and he gets so excited to see me. That big smile and excited little run he does where he takes 50 steps to go 5 feet and the big hug he gives me makes me forget whatever is on my mind at the time. Well, that little moment was kinda tarnished yesterday when I showed up at Amy's and he came tearing out of the living room doing his best Lord of the Dance impression. He was wearing socks and when he hit the hardwood floor in mid bounce his feet flew out from under him and he went crashing down. He banged his head on the push and pop ball thing of his and his feet hit the gate that was leaning against the wall. The gate came chashing down on him and the usual look of joy that I am greeted with was replaced by a horrified "What the hell just happened!?!?!" expression. So we dug him out from among the rubble and he was pretty tough about it. He just shook it off and I still got my big hug.

And that is what you gotta look at with life, sure it looked like a trainwreck but once you clear away the rubble and shake out the pain, it is just a memory. You didn't want it to happen but it did. And the best thing to do is focus on the hug, not the crash. I love my boy and I love my hugs. I hate seeing the ones I love hurt but you gotta just let them take their bumps. It will help them in the long run.

2003-09-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

Writer's Block~

Well I really wanted to make a good post today but I don't have it. Whenever I try to think of what to write the same thing comes to mind. The high on life Friday and the coming down to reality Saturday. It is hard to believe how one day of happiness can make a fool think things are OK. But, a fool I am and probably always will be. Too quick to forget the way people are. But I am not going to go on about it anymore.

I would like to take some time to thank my good friends Tracey and Jamie for taking such good care of me. I could not even walk because of a damaged tendant or tendenitis or some kind holy shit my foot hurts that I was so lucky to be stricken with Saturday. Tracey took me to the hospital and made sure that she gave my foot a kick so that I didn't forget where the intense pain was located and even offered to take my temperature. She resisted the urge to send me careening down the slope of the hospital parking lot in a wheelchair to South Street Beach. She even hooked me up with some good icing action once we got to my place because through the laughter I am sure she felt really bad. *rolls eyes* Thanks Tracey! And even though Tracey and Jamie had so many great ideas to entertain me in my immobile state like stealing the remotes and putting on Gay Porn or parading naked girls to my room. Nice friends eh? Not sure how I hurt my foot though, didn't just happen all at once but started a little sore and just kept getting worse over time. Musta happened at the beach I guess. That fucking trip to the Beach was cursed from top to bottom I swear! Hard to believe how a couple of hours at the beach could ruin every aspect of a weekend that seemed to be going so well.

But I am going to cut short my entry today because I keep resorting to the same thing. And at the risk of sounding redundant, I really do have the best friends in the whole world! So to everyone that made me smile Friday and helped me enjoy what was salvagable Saturday I thank you!

In closing, I would also like to mention that there is one special person in my life that makes all of the crap bearable and he turns 16 months old today. Thank you Connor for coming into my life and I pray that your parents manage to give you a good life despite their issues. You are the most important person in my world and if you are happy, things can't be all tha bad, right?

2003-09-04T05:30:00.000-07:00

If you love something~

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is truly yours. If it gets you to babysit while it goes to the movies with the guy she hooked up with (The guy she has spent every available opportunity with since.) and another friend and, after telling you they would be back around 11 or right after the movie, stay out until 2am knowing you have work in the morning, then it has no respect for you at all as a person and could not possibly want to be with you.

So it is time to stop driving myself crazy. I have begged for some kind of hope only to be tormented and reminded of the terrible things I did. I cannot say that I blame her for not wanting to be with me or for wanting to make me worry and suffer. I have done it to her for way too long. Now it is time to turn away. To let time ease my pain instead of hoping that she will change and make everything better. I just want everyone to know that she really didn't do anything wrong. She did only once what I did for years and now everything has fallen apart. But I have the greatest friends in the world and I have a beautiful son whom I love with all of my heart. He has a good Mom whom I am very grateful to for providing me with the best thing my life has known. Perhaps the reason that everything was crumbling around me and my life was swirling downward was because I was looking for negative things. Seeking more reason to feel sorry for myself. Well, that is no way to live. Today I give up my quest to gain back the heart of the woman I love and begin a new quest. Like Shawn Michales once did in 1995 to keep from losing the Intercontinental Belt to dean Douglas, I go to find my smile. I can't expect my friends to put up with me being like this any longer when they have more pressing issues of their own. And I can't expect to have it given to me by a person who seems to be enjoying a sweet revenge. It is time to take the advice that I have given so many of my friends. There is only one person in your life that can make you happy, and that is yourself.

P.S.

Steve is a FREAK! That guy has more useless information than any man I have ever known. Guess that's why he has such a huge ~~head~~ ummm brain.

P.S.S.

Correction from an earlier entry: Steve is a still my friend. The fact that we don't take time to really share our experiences and hang out alot, we both know that the other one is always there. And we both tend to give the truth whether it hurts or not. I know you have been down to the Heartbreak Hotel and you know what you are talking about. Thanks Man for the chat today and I hope I never have to be there for you through something like this again!

2003-09-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

I have the best friends!~

Tanya~
My roommate and closest friend. Her and I used to hang out and when she needed to get out of where she was I offered to help her find a place while she stayed with me for a couple of weeks. Then we decided to wait a month or two. Then one day she asked me if I wanted her to move out and when I said no, she softly asked if we could move into a place where she could have a bedroom instead of a nook in the corner. hahaha So now we live together and I love her with all of my heart. Thank You Tanya for being you and for staying with me through the crazies over the last weeks. And I am glad to see you back in the cat ears and crazy boots! *wink*

Tracey~
You and I haven't been friends that long but we seem to have known each other forever. You are the kindest person I think I have ever met. You have a heart that is bigger than any other I have known. You have more on your plate than most people could deal wih and yet, you hardly complain and try your best to be there for the rest of us while we whine about trivial things. I consider myself lucky that I know you and in a group that likes to discuss the peeves we have for each other, there has never been a bad word spoken about you. And if there ever is, it better not be around me or there will be teeth to pay!

Kelly~
Kelly might be one of the hottest girls I know. She is a good Mom and even though she could milk the system and live off her rich parents, she comes to work here. (Not always the most patient with customers. lol) But she works when she could stay home. That is rare these days. Kelly, you have really been there for me through alot and you didn't need to be. I didn't go to you whining like I did with my other friends but when you knew I was hurting you came to me. You did your best to make me smile and feel better and did a better job than anyone else. I can't thank you enough for that. You are very beautiful person on the inside and on the outside. Whoever gets to call you theirs will be one very lucky guy.

Jamie~
What to say about Jamie,,,hmmmmm. She is a self absorbed bitch that doesn't care about anyone but herself. She will tell you that if you ask and she's not much of a friend. (Jamie stop reading now) Truth? Jamie is self absorbed but she will still be there for her friends. The Jamie show is always moving but she has never missed a chance to be there for me. She was going through her own issues and still tried to do what she could to keep from making things worse for everyone. And before that, she was still giving. She never asked for anything but she was always sharing everything she has with her friends. And now, she may not agree with my choices but she refuses to give her opinion because she respects me enough to allow me to make my own choices. Jamie, I told you to stop reading! But since you never listen, I will be your friend as long as you let me. You are as good a friend as I have ever had and I want you to know that you will always have me to vent at about whatever you want. Thank You a thousand times for being my friend and if you ever stop, I am going to put those pictures on the internet! (Wanna talk about starting some rumors!) hahahaha

Sean Mac~
Well, Sean is a guy. Not much for the mushy stuff and when you need words of encouragement and support, he will mock your pain and plant more seeds of doubt. lol But he was there. Sean, you didn't judge me for my insanity and you stood beside me. Never taking sides or trying to plead anyone's case. You just let me know that you were my friend and you were there for me. I just want you to know how much that means to me. And I am really sorry about mentioning your sister's boobs. I know that bugs you but have you seen them? WOW! You can't tell me you never look!

Tracy~
Another friend with more than her share of issues. Must be the name. lol I know that you have been my friend longer than most and we probably know each other as well as anyone. I want you to know that you are a special person with a huge heart. You are a great Mom and I am glad that you are looking after my boy. That is a huge thing in itself because I wouldn't leave him in the hands of just anybody. I believe that we will always be friends and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Tanya H.~
Tanya, you tried so hard to be there but i just wouldn't open up to you. I hope you understand now that it was not you. It hurt so much to tell the story that I just wanted to forget it. I truly consider you a friend and I want you to know that. And as long as you stop sending the intruders to my place at 4:30am looking for love in all the wrong places, we will always be friends. lol

Steve~
Not really my friend but it is good to drop a name to give my blog a push once in a while. lol But most people don't know, Steve and I go way back. Like "back in the day" way back. We were pretty close friends before he became a local celebrity. And I can still go to him when I need someone to give it to me straight (insert gay joke here) about anything. He will tell me when I am wrong, crazy or when I am completely insane. It is good to have someone like that to talk to when you need the unbiased truth. Steve, always remember who was there before you were a star! Thanks man. And maybe I will look into that "towelism" you were talking about! hahahahaha

I am sorry if I left anyone out but this is kind of a thank you blog for the people I drove nuts over the last weeks. The people that had to listen to me whine about my petty problems and be there while I dragged everybody down. Thanks guys so much. You are the best friends a guy could have.

2003-08-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent these to me. They are thoughts from the heart which impressed me because you don't see enough of that anymore. I thought it was very deep and it touched me so I wanted to share it with you.

What Is a Friend?

I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avoid your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyality. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend is with whom you dare to be yourself.

ATTITUDE:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

It is more important that the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important to me than appearance, giftedness or skill.

The remarkable thing is - we have a choice every day of our lives regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I’m convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.

2003-08-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

Because it was there~

That is the answer you hear when someone is asked why they climbed the mountain. Because it was there. I am sure that climbing the mountain was not that enjoyable compared to all the other options in the world but in the climber's mind, they have accomplished something. I used to feel like the about women. Why have fun with someone? Not because you want to be with them or care about them, but because they are there and you leave with a feeling of accomplishment when you have stroked your ego or notched the bedpost. My philosophy was always have fun right now and worry about tommorow when it comes. I almost lost my mind last week and very few people know how far I fell. But when I hit bottom and the swirling, raging chaos of my mind ended, I walked away from it with measure of clarity that I have never had. All those years of being the person I was and not caring about anything except having fun right now has hurt alot of people over the years and most recently myself. I was forced to admit the sins of my life like a man facing his judgement day and it was against the most condemning of all judges, me. So I walk away from that experience with a new outlook on life and a new view of myself. I don't like the person I was and I will not be like that again. I don't ask to be forgiven by those I have hurt in my life because I did nothing to deserve their forgiveness. I just want the world to know that I am finally aware of who I was and I now know the pain that I have caused. I can't say that I deserve happiness and after a life of selfishness and ignorance I can't expect anyone to think I am all of a sudden going to be a good person. So, I leave you with this, nobody is perfect and the best of us make poor decisions. We all need to take a long hard look at ourselves and discover who we really are inside. This is a challenge to everyone out there to think about the things you have done that you are most ashamed of and look at them. But don't justify it, don't make excuses to yourself to make you feel better, just look at what you have done and who you have hurt and tell yourself you were wrong. That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I assure you I have more things to be ashamed of than most. And when you can accept the fact that you are wrong and not tell yourself that it's OK you start a process. A process that can repair friendships, ease hurt, open eyes and help you to become a better person. When you actually take your lumps for he things you have done wrong you can put them behind you and when you have to face judgement for your decisions, , , well, , ,let's just say it might tip the scales.

And remember, never take for granted the things in your life that make you happy. Enjoy the happiness you have like it will be taken away tommorow and when it is there you will be thankful it is and it will mean more to you today!

2003-08-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

I blame it on Mars~

That has to be it. Mars has come closer to Earth than it has in recorded history and I think it threw off the balance. It seems like everyone I know has been going through hell over the last weeks. Normally the issues are spread out and one or maybe two people are going through serious issues and need support from their friends. It seems like the last couple of weeks that everyone is down. I have never gone through a more difficult week ever and most of the people I am close to are not looking much better. (This is where you insert the joke about me being a jinx.) So I have decided to blame it on Mars and think that as it moves away things will get better. Things can always get worse, I know, so I am not going to challenge fate with one of those "What else could go wrong?" or "Things could not get worse!" because I know better. Things could always get worse. So I will suck it up and take my lumps.

I have been pathetic lately and it is all because I was to happy for too long and didn't know why until it was all taken from me recently. Now I have decided to stop whining and begging for what I want. I am no longer asking the woman I want to be with to make me happy, I am asking her to make herself happy. She has been there for me for so long and all I have done was push her away and make her think she didn't matter to me. Maybe I had myself convinced of that as well but now I know the truth. I deserve all of the hurt I have because of the way I have acted and I have no right to ask her for anything. She has given me more than I ever deserved and I took without returning. So I pray that she gets what will make her happy in life whatever that may be. She is the only girl that ever mattered and she will always be the most beautiful girl I know. She will probably not see this for a while (if ever) so this is not a plea to her. It is a plea to every one of you. If you love somebody, tell them. Show them that you want to be with them and make sure that if it ever ends you have done the right things. Never take them for granted and never think that it could never end beause it could all fall apart tommorow and if it does, will they know how you really feel? Never look at their flaws but at your own so you can understand what they put up with to be with you and never wonder if there is something better out there because there is not! What can be better than being with someone who makes you happy?

2003-08-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

Here is something that really hit home with me today. I know it is probably just stupid but I think that everyone should look at what they have. (The beer part is funy too!)

A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.

2003-08-26T14:52:00.000-07:00

Lost: One best friend~

It's official I think. I have finaly become more trouble than I am worth. I printed off my blog yesterday and gave it to the guy I was tlking about and nothing. He didn't call which made me concerned so I sucked it up and called him today. He does not feel that he did anything wrong at all and is going to stay away. That's it. I can do no more. So now I must make my way without my best friend and confidant. We had alot of fun together and I though we would never do anything to hurt each other. I told him everything and he is the only one I can say that about. Now, he has chosen to go his own way so I live with the guilt of ruining as close to a perfect friendship as I have ever known. It is my fault because I should have let what happened slide. I should have tried to hide my feelings and pretend that everything was cool. But I could not. My judgement was clouded with pain and confusion. It still is and I don't know why. I feel like I am losing my mind in a way. I pile all of the facts and logic in an orderly fashion and organize the pros and ccons and they should make me feel better but there is a demon tearing through al of that and telling me thing will never be the same, telling me it is not over, telling me as soon as I am not looking it is going to happen again. When I think about it the feeling of a horrible attrocity takes over and I can't get past it. It should not have bothered me but it did, as much as anything ever has and it continues to eat at me. I am not eating or sleeping right. I am waiting for something but I don't know what it is.I am hoping it will make things better but I fear it so much. What if it makes things worse? What if it takes away what I cherish so much? If it comes and takes what I would hate to lose I can't stop it and that is the scariest feeling I have ever known. So when will this stop? How long willl I feel like this? What's going to happen? Have I really lost my best friend forever? Is it my fault completely? Am I totally wrong? Did he do anything wrong? What can I do to make things better? Is there anything that can be done? I have a thousand questions running through my head and the demon keeps telling me to expect the worst. I try to laugh and smile and do anything to stop thinking but as soon as I stop for a second, there it is again. The paranoid feelings, the hurt, the doubt, the questions, the uncertainty, and the thought that it was all my fault. So I go again, to try to find my peace. To try to get past,,,me.

2003-08-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Scars~

I slept last night. I can almost string some sensible thoughts together and I may even be able to eat today without feeling sick. Last week was possibly the hardest week that I can remember. I was happy for quite a while and I took that for granted but now the best things in my life are still bleeding from the wounds that I have caused. I am trying to sort things out but I fear that it is too late. Every wound leaves a scar and I have only made things worse for everybody. I need to try to make things right again but I don't know if I can. I don't know how to start. All of my common sense and logic was telling me one thing but it didn't matter because I couldn't think straight through that hurt and confusion. I have never felt like that in my life and I never want to again. I think I know what it feels like to lose your mind. I have a lot of mending to do now, inside myself and with others. I don't know if I can really get past everything and don't know if that is what I want. I still have more uncertainty and resentment than I can overlook. I want to try to talk to people and make things right but everything I want to say is fueled by the resentment. Whenever I try to think of the words to put things behind it all comes back with the hurt and feeling that something was stolen from me. And this was never really about me but I have made it all about me. I would like to say that if I could go back I would have reacted differently but I know I could not. Not anywhere in me could I find a way to think it was OK. I have been searching for days to find it in myself to forgive what is not mine to forgive but I can't find it. Maybe it's because it is more that an act that has happened but a collapse of all the things I took for granted. I am starting to understand that the reason that I can't find forgiveness for others is because they did nothing that requires my forgiveness. I am the only person who has done anything wrong and maybe I am having a hard time admitting to myself that it was me, and only me, who has caused all of my own pain. When the people that I thought hurt me didn't remorse I thought it was because they didn't care about my pain. I only know this, the damage is done and only I can take the blame for my sadness. So I start my week with the hope that things can be as they were, that I can be happy again, but I need all of my friends. Most importantly, I need my best friend. It's been a long time since I had to go through something so hard and I think one of the reasons it was so hard was because he wasn't there to help me. I know he would have but I struck out at him, blaming him for what I had done. I can't forgive him because he did nothing wrong and I want everyone to know that. It is me that needs to be forgiven and I can't do that. I will never forgive myself but I will use this to try to become a better person. I have good people in my life and they have always looked past my flaws. And I assure you I have more flaws than most. I have been selfish, mean, petty, childish, and pathetic. I will never forgive myself for what I have caused but I hope what I have done is not irreversible. I don't know how I will be able to handle it if I have lost my best friend so I say this, whatever happens in the future, you are the best friend anyone could ever have and I thank you for being there for me. You are still the best guy I have ever known and I am lucky to know you.

2003-08-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

I am an Idiot~

I don't even know what to say. I have been an idiot. In more ways and on more levels than I can count. Anyone that knows the story knows I was out of line and I have managed to sink myself and drag down those close to me. I haven't slept right in three days because I can't stop thinking and tormenting myself. About what happened, about how I reacted, about who I have dragged down and about what the future holds. There was too much piled on the incedent for me to deal with rationally I guess. But I have decided that it is time for a change. Time for me to stop being an ass and grow up. Time to stop whining about something so stupid and move on. I have never felt like more of an idiot and I have never made such a big deal about something like that before and won't again. I am prepared now for the worst or best and there is no middle ground. Nothing lasts forever and time heals all wounds. Like a band-aid it's best to just rip it off. I want everyone to know that no matter what I have done, or who I've done it with, it was all fun. It meant nothing to me and I could care less if it ever happens again. There comes a time in every person's life when they really need to take a look at themselves and my time has come. I don't ike myself sometimes. When I am whining about petty things to good friends with their own troubles (and for one great person, more than her fair share) it does not help the situation or help make anybody's life better. I am seriously thinking about taking a higher road in my life and having more courtesy and respect for those that are close to me. It is time to be a better person so I will look deep inside for the best of me and try to work with that. I have a tendency to resort to the darkest side of me when there is trouble because it is easier to deal with things when you hate than when you love. I want to be a better person and I want to help my group of friends get out of this drunken rut they seem to be in. There needs to be a better way to have fun than getting hammered and I am going to try and find it.

2003-08-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hey, I will give you my most valuable posession for half of your sandwich~

Every once in a while a person can forget that people are inherently selfish. Sometimes you give people too much credit and think too much of them. Perhaps when you have people on a pedestal you are not close enough to see their flaws. Well, I am all out of pedestals and the last person that I had on one has fallen today. There is a story I cannot tell but when you are betrayed nothing is right. The world seems wrong and there is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it better. When you hold something dear to you, something that you have built together with someone, it means more to you than any possession ever could. And when that thing that you prize so much is traded, it seems like a crime. Like a bird that would stay on your shoulder, the freedom to fly away is always there and because it chooses to stay, it is a beautiful thing. You could keep it in a cage and have it forever but you never think it will leave because you keep each other happy. If it flies away it is gone and maybe you wish you had kept it caged up so you would never have lost it but its song would not be the same if it wasn't free. Well, I once shared the song of such a creature. Today, as I watched it's flight into the horizon, I felt a great loss, but we all must choose our path and I am glad that I had my time with such a precious thing. That bird's song has soothed me for a long time but it is gone now so I am left with only the memory of the song in my heart. It is a sad song but I will always cherish it for it was a song that was for me. Perhaps it was only beautiful in my eyes and perhaps it was my own song I heard. I don't know anymore. So I go on alone now. There are lots of birds singing so I will walk in the sun and think of better times. When the beautiful bird sang for me and made me smile.

No smile today, just the song stuck in my head, like an ache that only time will ease.

2003-08-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

Crazy weekend~
~friday~

Well I guess I am barred. I didn't stay around long enough to ask but I figure that there is no more Guildwood for Shane for a while. There was a light altercation involving the guy that stalked my roommate Tanya for 8 months and broke into our place, stole some of her things and trashed her room. I have talked to this guy more than a few times tryig to get him to leave her alone and warned him more than once tha it would come to this. Hell, I even sent two people to tell him to go home Friday or it would happen. But he continued to pull his crap and decided to stay so it had to be done.

Let's go back a week first. Last week Tanya came to me enraged and heartbroken over the continued troubles with this guy and his ex girlfriend. Now if you have ever seen someone you love really upset you know how much you want to make everything better but sometimes you can't. Well that night I made up my mind that I had to stand up and be a man. Hell, this guy violated my home and hurt my friends. Now, I had not been in a fight since grade 11, and didn't fare too well in that one, so I was not loking forward to a fight. I was actually pretty stressed about it all week. Nothing can go right in a fight. There is never a winner. But I spent all week psyching myself up for it. I thought about how many fights I walked away from and wondered if I could even fight. But I had to know that I could stand up for my friends so I would not walk away this time.

So Friday night comes around and I am ready. Mind is set, decision is made. Nothing will stop me from doing the right thing. (At least I thought it waas the right thing) So I talk to my roommate who I hardly ever see and she tells me that she has talked to him and she doesn't want me to do anything. I couldn't say that I was Ok with that which led to the first disagreement we have ever had. She pleaded with me to let it go and ll of our friends were saying the same thing. Don't do it. So I went to Sean who was the only guy around and he is the kind of guy to give it to you straight and asked him what he thought. He just looked at me and said,"Man, I think you are doing the right thing." Not that I don't appreciate my female friends but thas was a guy thing and it did need to be done.

The bar was like any Friday night and because Tanys was so adamant about me not fighting I told her that if he goes home I will let it go because I could not watch him have a good time like nothing happened so Tanya H and Tanya (roommate) both talked to him and warned him but he stayed. Most of my friends were trying to take my mind off it and tell me not to do anything and some even tried to tell me I was going to get hurt if I went after him so I was realy torn. I didn't know what to do. But the last slow songs were coming on and I saw him heading for the dance floor with a girl and I lost it.

*Scuffle* *Scuffle* *Scuffle* Kinda blurry. He's out on the floor.

I feel somebody grab me from behind and I tel them I am leaving so with an OK I walk out the front door to see Tanya is already gone walking ahead and crying. I try to talk to her and she hates me. She told me I don't care about her at all and that I only think of myself. I didn't know what t say and I was still little wound up so I just went home. When everyone came back to the place Sean was the only person who didn't tell me how aweful and stupid I was. He had to put up with a ton of shit because of me and he still made sure I knew that he thought I did the right thing. But Tanya H was covered in blood from holding his teeth in place and her hand was banged up because she hit something. Jamie called me to tell me I was stupid and that he was going to the hospital and was pressing charges. When I tried to talk to Tanya she hated me. I didn't even get a chance to speak and didn't realy have anything to say. I was in shock. I fought for m friend and I was the villain. This guy made our lives difficult for 8 months and I am the bad guy. So I just tried to apologize for ruining everyone's night and went to bed. And I want to say thanks to The only 2 peole who didn't make me feel like a horrible person.

~Saturday~

Sean Casey came over to watch the Animatrix with Sean Mac and I. (I know, my friends include Shane, Sean Mac, Sean C, Tanya H, Tanya(roommate) Tracey, Tracy, Jamie and Amy and a Kelly so try to follow! lol) Seam Mac went to work and Sean took the bay and I for a drive and I left my phone behind because I didn't want to talk to anyone. It wasn't a bad day and when I got back there were more than a few messages.Mostly just "call me"s and people getting upset because they thought I was avoiding them. Tracey called to find out if I was going to the bonfire after Amy got home and I told her about the night before and how everyone hated me but it turned out that everyone was pretty cool today and Tanya didn't hate me. I did go to the bonfire and it was a pretty good time. I got to get drunk, hang out with lesbians and kick Tracey in the head with both feet! (long story) There was even a great dance show! Way to go ladies!

So all in all the weekend had its ups and downs. I have a great bunch of friends who mean alot to me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I thought that fighting the good fight would earn me a hero's welcome and give me great satisfaction but it did nothing of the sort. I didn't get hurt but I knocked out three of his teeth. I can't imagine what that's like and I feel terrible. I don't regret doing what I did but I wish I hadn't knocked out teeth. I hope he understands that he deserved what he got and I gave him lots of warning. I am glad that I know if I ever need to stand up for something I can but I hope I never have to fight again. There was not one positive thing that came out of it unless all the bullshit is over. But that we will have to see.

So, how does everyone feel about the Main Event on Fridays?

2003-08-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

Boys and girls~

It is Friday night and I am here with Sean MacLeod who is a cool mother F*cker! He was complaining because he was not seeing his name in my blog! Well I want to say that he and my roommate Tanya have been hanging out alot and I think that is cool. I am not one to try and play cupid so I mind my own business but if they hooked up it would be pretty cool. There are only about 10 people in the world that I would really say are great people and Sean and my roommate would be top runners on this list. They are both awesome people in a world of assholes and since they are both too busy to read my blog I can say what I want about them. So she is a nut and he is a sarcastic bastard but I think they are both great. There is definately a connection there and they both deserve somebody good so let's hope it works out or at least nobody gets hard feelings. (Unless it hard feelings in the crotch! lol) Anyway, going to the guildwood to look at the girls. See you Monday.

P.S.~
I don't know if anybody even reads this shit. So if there is anybody taking the time out of their day to read my crap, thanks! I mean that.

2003-08-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

How To Thoroughly Clean The Toilet~

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close bothlids. You may need to stand on the lid. ) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
4. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a " power-wash " and "rinse".)
5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog

2003-08-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

Well it's Friday~

Another Friday and another payday. As usual my pay is all but gone and I need to let some things go just to get by. I cannot believe how broke I am all the time. I don't know where the money goes. I look at my bills and compare it to my income and I should be doing great but I am an idiot of something. I can have $40 and be broke in a day without going anywhere. It's like there are money gremllins living in my pockets. There is no real explanation for it. I have been behaving, not gambling, not even going out that much but I still can't seem to save any cash. I guess that is the same with most. But enough about money trouble.

What does everyone think of the new look? I was actually trying random codes to see what colors I could find. lol Way too much time on my hands! I am going to try to get some pictures of the baby on the side as well but that is not something that I can just play around with and figure out. I think i might call in the powers of 'BLOGMAN' (That would be you Rick!) to help me with that. And if anybody has a cool messenger nick to add to my list let me know. But I must get back to work soon because even though I can't feed back, I am still required to add to the horrendous mountain of waiting feedbacks that are threatening to landslide any minute. *groan* Gonna be a long week when we get out of queue which may be never depending on what this virus does Saturday. So everyone have a good weekend and be safe.

Smile of the day~

Amy invited me over for supper yesterday and I am not one to turn away time with Connor and a free meal so I went there after work to discover a turkey cooking in the oven. My nipples got hard! mmmmmm Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing *drooling* That was my smile! And it was so good that I am not going to mention that she dropped it on the floor when she was trying to get it ready or that she managed to scold her legs when she was trying to get it out of the pan. Although, I will make fun of the fact that she tried a little somethig different when she was cooking it. The poor bird was cooked upside down. Have you ever tried to carve an upside down turkey? I have and I hope you like the dark meat! That's all I am gonna say!

2003-08-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

I got brave~

Yes, I did! I went into the template for my blog and was playing around. It might not look like much but I am really proud of myself! lol (I am sad I know!) Considering I have never seen html before I went swimming in it I think I did OK! Now as soon as I can find out where to do it I can change the ugly orange and babyshit yellow header this might look OK!~

2003-08-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

Horrible jokes~

A wino walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," he replies. "You know I live by the railway. Well,
on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like
in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my
place. Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love
all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her
on top!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky slob. Was she pretty?"

Dunno, never found the head....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".

2003-08-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

Some people have all the luck~

My friend Tracy won an all expence paid trip to the Bahamas for four. That's right! But there is one catch, the expenses are paid from Florida! So she would have to get the four people to and from Florida. Crap. But she is on unemployment and some extra cash would be nice so she looked into a cash exchange. The cash value would be $1600.00 Now $1600 is alot of money. Great stuff eh! Nope! In order to take the cash value, a deposit of $500/00 needs to be paid up front by credit card today and she does not have a card or know anyone that can front that kind of money. So basically she won nothing but a story of woe! What kind of luck is that? I'd say pretty shitty! Well Tracy, i don't know what to say. I can't even make a joke about it because it is so terrible. And if I don't make fun of it, that is bad! But as they say, if life tosses you lemons, make lemonade. (But they didn't say anything about when life whacks you in the eye with lemons, picks them back up and runs away laughing!)

2003-08-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Miss me?~

Sorry about the neglected blog guys but last week was insane. I had planned to throw in an entry Friday but by the time I was done I couldn't even think of looking at the computer for another minute. It was a horrible week but this week is going to be better. That is of course until I get barred from the Guildwood this Friday and possibly go to jail for pounding the shit out of the guy that broke into our apartment and stole some of Tanya's things and who knows what else. He had apparently been in the apartment before and that doesn't sit well with me. And it also appears that someone stole my comments! lol Along with many of my friends with blogs. So if you know what happened there just comment and let me know. (I know that sounds dumb but I am sure that one person is just dying to comment that it was stupid!)

WOW! Is my head ever a mess today. But I earned it. I was on my way home last night minding my own business when I get "The Call". This is 1 am and I have work in the morning but it was Sean M's birthday and the ride was coming and the beer were bought so off to the Sandbar I go. I get there and it's 1:35 and there are 4 beer waiting for me. and I am not a big drinker but I figure that I can handle 4 beer in half an hour and I did. The other 2 beer that appeared after that were the killers. And maybe the onne at home didn't help. *groan* I managed to get terribly drunk on 8 beer (and I think I tried to get Laurie to sneak one out) so maybe it's 7 beer but it was all in like 2 hours. And the party made it's way back to my place after much ado. The were some issues with the ride leaving full and returning still full but with a 24 of beer which kind threw me for a loop after sitting there wating for the ride for half an hour listening to some guy tell Jamie and I he was going to defend diddlers and rapists and tried ot tell us that Paul Bernardo could be innocent. So I would like to apologize to Tracey for being a jerk. It wasn't intentional. I am just cranky sometimes and you were very generous last night for Sean's birthday. Tracey is the Bomb and I am a big stupid head!

Anyway, starting the week way behind again and need to get to work. I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Smile of the day~
I haven't got a really great story for the smile of the day but it definately wasn't Amy getting her pantleg caught in the babygate and crashing to the floor. That wasn't funny at all. Hell, if the baby's car hadn't broken her fall she may have gotten hurt!

2003-08-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

My "Talented" beef~

talÂ·entÂ·ed [ tÃ¡ll en ted ]

adjective

having natural ability: showing an exceptional natural ability to do something.

I am so sick of hearing about how talented some people are. I am going to use 2 examples, Lawson Macdonald and Sean Casey. Lawson MacDonald is a local singer/songwriter/musician and Sean Casey is a local artist who does independent work and editorial comics for the post and is in my opinion can draw anything in the world almost perfectly. Now Lawson is good I will give him that, but there are tons of people that have just as much "talent" as him. Hell, I might be as talented as he is but I haven't taken an interest in music. And Sean is a great artist but I was quite the artist myself when I was 7. I am willing to bet that my grade 1 pictures are as good as his ever were. But people insist on saying "That Lawson is soooo talented!" or "I wish I had Sean's gift!" and I think these people deserve a slap! Lawson is an excellent performer not because he has a gift that was handed to him last month that made him a great musician but because he has made sacrifices and studied to be great. Ask him how many hours he has spent practicing and writing to get as good as he is now. And Sean has had a pen to paper every chance he had since he was a kid. These guys were not handed a magic bean that made them as good as the are nor were they born with a honed skill. They were born with the same potential as tons of other people that didn't become blossom. Why? Because love for what they do has driven them to put an insane amount of time and effort into becoming better all the time. This natural ability is very common but the drive and hard work is rare. So why don't we change our view? Instead of saying "These guys are talented." or "What a gift they have!" let's call a spade a spade. Let's say "Wow, the time and effort that must go into becoming that good." or "There goes one hard working Mutha!" instead of making it look like they could do what they do just because they were given a gift even if they didn't make an effort. Let's acknowledge the hard work that these "talented people" put in instead of implying that it's luck of the draw. And that's just one man's opinion.

Smile of the day~

I have taught Connor yet another valuable skill that will help him succeed in life. He can now do the Dr. Evil evil laugh! His vocals are kinda weak but he has the mouth wide open, head back and shaking from side to side down!

2003-08-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Well I managed to spend an entire day here yesterday and get absolutely nothing done. I suck! lol But that just means more to do today and I gotta get at it soon but it is always good to relax a little before you start your day. I come in and read a few blogs (and if you read this Lanti, the curls are awesome! You run with that!), check my email, maybe make an entry and prepare to make people hate me. It's not my objective but it is my job. And the sad part is the mindset seems to be if a person gets a 31, they tell their friends "I got a 31!" because the hard work and effort they put forth shone through and they did a good job. And when the same person gets a 0, they tell their friends "Shane gave me a 0! Of all my calls he had to pull the one bad one." becuse I spend hours a day going through the calls and tickets trying to find the worst ones. Sure it adds hours to my already busy day but the satisfaction I get from having the people that I once considered work friends rant at me because it'd not fair is immeasurable. And when the cute girls that I think are cool look at me like I am the biggest jerk in the world because they got a bad score on a good call because of ticket coding or stupid hex codes I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Yep, those are the perks! Last week was a long hard week and the only thing people see is me walking around doing nothing and think Geez he has a great job! Well, I am not doing nothing! I am trying to find all of the people that I need to feed back as well as communicate with Supervisors and prepare myself to piss off a new person or add to the resentment that someone already has for me. Now if you look at the money and the freedom to do your job on your own schedule or pace, yeah it is a great job and I am thankful that I have it. But anyone who knows me knows that I love to help people. I want to make everybody happy whenever I can and when people are pissed at me it bothers me, alot. Well if I never had to give bad scores because everybody does their best, this would be the best job in the world and everybody would be happy. But until then, I am the villain. Sorry for the rant (whoever read this) but thanks for listening!

2003-08-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!

Well no F*cking wonder! This is the first Monday of the new month. On a normal day I am expected to do 13 call evaluations and probably attend some sort of meeting for an hour or so. With that and feedback, my 8 hours are more than accounted for if everything goes smooth. Well, before I start my regular work for the week I have to hand in my feedback forms. This means I have to write out the information on the calls that I didn't get fed back last week for whatever reason. On a normal Monday, that would be anywhere between 5 and 12 but due to the fact that last week the number of calls coming into the site was slightly higher than the number of agents answering the phone feedback was very difficult. So today I have 31. That is 31 feedbacks to do on top of my call for today and about 20 minutes copying them over. And as if that wasn't enough, I have my own spreadsheet to remake because of the changes in my teams as well as three spreadsheets to remake on the server after I archive this month's forms and with the shiftbid coming it may all have to be done again. And I also have a calibration meeting to host for over an hour so I don't think I will be getting my 13 calls for today. *whew* But I am a machine! I can handle it! lol

And despite the financial difficulty that was delivered to me Friday, thanks to great friends, I have enough to live on and I even managed to go out Friday night. Now last week was a long week for me and I was exhausted by the end but I didn't realize how tired I was until Saturday morning. I sleep in a ratty torn pair of shorts and a t-shirt that's not much better (but they are as comfortable as hell) and that is what I was wearing around the house. Jamie was going to run me to Sydney to return a pair of shorts and a friend of ours, who shall remain nameless but is as hot as bacon grease spashing a nipple, was going to come along. I thought it would be funny to sport my ratty attire for her and she said, "Yeah I saw you in them last night." That is when the wheels started turning, scanning my memory of the evening there was no sighting of her that I could recalll. Apparently, I had ditched my friends and went for pizza (pizza I remember) and made my way home. I was semiconsious on the couch when the ladies came in and Hottie-Friend pounced on me. Normally, that would result in some kind of indecent comment or suggestion but I removed her from atop me and went to the bedroom. (Didn't even invite her!) And I was also informed that I returned wearing my cumfies and mumbled something while grabbing pillows and going back to bed. OH MY GOD! I think I have Melvinitis!

Melvinitis - Temporary amnesia caused by large amounts of alcohol that results in the telling of humorous stories about yourself with information given by a third party.

P.S. Please feel free to mock Amy about getting Connor's birthdate wrong on the website she made for him! He was born on May 8th,2002, not May 14th. (And I didn't give out the link like you said Amy!)

2003-07-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

I would like to apologize to the Tracey and Tracy. I have been giving the "E" to the wrong Tracey. Tracy is my good friend and part time babysitter. Tracey is a co-worker and friend who is a frequent lunch partner. But I believe that I have straightened out the name thing now! lol It is 3:31 and I have work in the morning. This is my forst drunk blog so be forgiving. Sean M, Jay, Tracey, Tanya my roommate and I are just cooking up some KD and getting ready to make for sleepville sometime soon. It was an uneventful night and I am exhausted but I felt the need to make a blog entry so I don't forget my laugh of the day!

Laugh of the day~

We were watching Family Guy and they went to a strip club. That is not funny in itself but the name of the strip club killed me. It may only be funny because I am drunk but it is cracking me up. The name of the strip club was,,,,,,,did you see it?,,,,,,,are you ready?,,,,,,, Too much hype now.,,,,,,The Fuzzy Clam!

2003-07-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

The Gambler~

I was having wings with Tracy and Sean M yesterday when Tracy said that she couldn't understand why people played the machines. Well I am a recovering (and very volitile) gambler who has been in that seat many times. There was a time when I needed to play. I remember a time when I was living with my Grandparents when I had an overwhelming need to play the machines. And not just wanting to play, my hands were shaking and I could hardly breathe. I remember running, actually running, to the store (because they were readily available in every corner store) and getting $100 worth of loonies on the way in. And when I started dropping those loonies and hitting the buttons at the same time it was like a weight was lifted from my chest and I let out the most relieved sigh of my life. Thinking back it almost seemed like I needed to lose. If not, why start with $100? It is scary when I think back to how much money I have lost. It would make a person sick if they knew. And that is, like any addiction, always lingering under the surface. It is hard to explain how you can lose the rent or your paycheck but I will try to explain.

It is payday and it looks like it is going to be a good day. You head to town to run some errands and you have your trusty bank card in hand. You have about $43 in your pocket. You have lots of time so you decide that you want to play the machines for a bit before you do your errands. It is best to go now because you only have $43 to lose so you should stay out of trouble that way. You scan the machines for some kind of sign that will tell you what machine will be the big winner with no success. Checking the bonuses on each available machine does not provide much help either so you have a seat at the nearest one. The sound of loonies dropping is kind of exciting so a slight smile escapes your lips. This is it. You love to play games, any kind of game and this game has more at stake than any other you know. Friends tell you to but a hand held poker game but that doesn't provide the feeling of danger and adventure that the money eaters provide. So now you start betting small because you want your money to last. After about 20 spins ou notice that you haven't gotten anything at all worth anything so maybe you will try a few spins on a double bet. It is almost a buck a spin but there has to be a little something coming up. 10 spins later you still haven't gotten anything and you don't want to drop the bet now because it's gotta give a little soon and you know it will be the first spin after you drop the bet. Now on a dollar bet you get a little tease but nothing worthwhile at all. Now you have dropped $0 and haven't even gotten one hit or a bonus spin. Shit! Well this has got to give soething right? Maybe I will take a few hundred out here and just play enough to get the bonus once and then you will go. So you get $200 out and that will be enough to play a little more and get the errands done. You have lost money like this before but you won't be that stupid today. So the money is filling the machine again so you can get the hit that is very overdue. It won't be enough to get your money back but it is a principle thing now. $40 bucks on a small bet without a bonus and that sucks. It can't be too far off so another $20 goes and then $20 more. Dammit, this machine has got to give something! Even if you can get $40 out it won't be too bad. A good bonus should be worth $20 -$30 and it's gotta be coming. Up the bet! Yeah, it's gota come and if I bet $1.50 the bonus will be worth it. A few spins go by without success. Hmmm, maybe a few max bets. That might shake up your luck and if you get a decent bonus you are gonna get most of your monet back. The machine wants more money. You give. Now you are feeling the stress, head is pounding, you are thinking about how many $20 bills you have slid in, was it 4 or 5? Maybe 6? Shit! at $2.50 a spin you get 8 losing spins to a $20 bill and you blindly slide in bill after bill. The bonus comes and goes but it sucked. you are looking at $67 in credits. What now? You haven't gotten more than 5 decent pays and the bonus was crap. You are strong. You are not going to lose your pay in these fucking machines again. So you play it down to $60 and are about to cash out. You start trying to tally the losses and you figure you are out about $100 and that sucks. Then you take out what's left of your $200 and you get sick when you see 2 $20 bills. so you are out $140 counting what you came in with. Fucking machine. You think about playing the $60 down on a smaller bet to try to get sonmething. This is called chasing loses and this is the curse of a gambler. Chasing loses is where the big loses occur. Now if you are strong you take your loss and live poor for th e weeks to come and try tnot to let anyone know what you did. If you are weak or drunk you try to get back some of what you lost. If you risk it, you will becaome religious and wonder where or how you can get hundreds of dollars to cover your ass. You hate yourself but can't stop now. You are lost again but this is never going to happen again. So you are looking at having no extra money at all for 2 weeks as the good scenario or going home without the rent money as the bad. I have been in both many times and I am working very hard to avoid ever being there again. That is the worst feeling in the world next to someone you love dying and if you have never been there you could never understand. But you live day to day and try to be strong. It is hard not to do something you love when it is so accessible.
That is the plight of the person hooked on the machines.

2003-07-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

Women, are there any good ones left?

There is at least one. And I hope she knows it. There is a woman that I know who may be the best one of the best woman I have ever known. She is beautiful, intelligent and is a genuinely good person. She is successful and proud. I am not trying to woo her through my blog but if I was ever going to woo someone, it would be a woman like her. I don't know if she realizes how great she is and that is a shame. Being a single man who is not in a position to look for someone, but is looking around to see if there is anyone that fits my idea of what a great woman should be, I am amazed at how little hope I feel. There are a few ladies that I have met that I would say are great catches but I know alot of people. Sure there are lots of beautiful ladies, but how many are smart and kind? Sure there are alot of successful ladies but how many are kind hearted? Sure there are fun ladies but how many are true? When I think of beautiful, strong, intelligent, kind, successful and fun there is only one person who comes to mind. I mean nobody's perfect but she is the closest I have ever met. And I want her to know this. Now it is in print and if it's on the web, it's go to be true. I am glad to know you.

So now starts the guessing. And no, I will not tell who this is so don't ask.

2003-07-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

My Microwave Beef:

Why is it tha no two microwaves work the same? Have you ever gone to a friends place, went to use their microwave for the first time, and knew how the controls worked without trying to figure them out first? No! If it is not the exact same model that you have used before the controls are different. This doesn't happen with any other appliance. I can work any stove or television without a trial and error process. I have never had the need to ask to be shown how someone's toaster or blended works. And if you did ask for help using someone's coffe maker they would look at you like you were nuts and ask if you have a coffee maker at home. But a microwave is a different story. When you ask for help with the microwave you always get an eager "I will get that for you." because everybody has had to face a new microwave and suffered the shame of supidity when it takes two or three tries to actually get in working. Is this some kind of practical joke emitting from Japan? Can anyone explain this to me? But enough about that.

My laugh of the day was provided by Connor (as most of my bright spots are) when I diced a wiener for him and let him have at it in his highchair. He was eagerly gulping it down and I was sitting there watching him when he decided to share. I always try to accept his offers to teach him that sharing is a good thing (But as any parent knows this is not always possible. You should see what I kid will want you to eat.). But this was a piece of unchewed hotdog from a clean hand so I growled and chomped it out of his fingers being careful not to bite him of course. This was met with great glee and resulted in more offers of course. So Connor would eat a piece or two then offer me another morsel to chomp up with a growl. Well, this must have seemed fum to him because he started making a pitiful sound, which must have been his attempt at a growl and extending his arm to plunge the food into his mouth.THis was great fun until, on his third attempt he bit his own fingers. Now he bites his fingers, starts crying and rubbing his hand and I don't know if the look he gave me was because I made him hurt himself or because I was laughing uncontrollably at him. Either way, another life lesson learned.

And I would like to thank Tracy for babysiting yesterday. Tracy and Sarah came over and watched Connor for the afternoon in lieu of our usual sitter (Hi Pam and Cory!) and when I came to take over the place was spotless! The baby was as happy as I have ever seen him and he had stories to tell. Thanks Tracy and any time you would like to bring the wee one over I am sure Connor and I would love the company. And good luck with the Salami Shack Dude!

2003-07-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Well I am glad I made this blog so that my friends can use my comments to duke it out! lol Well it is Sunday night (early Monday morning) and I am heading for bed. I hope everybody had a great weekend because mine was pretty good. Sean, Jamie, myself and Tanya (my roommate) went to see Bad Boys 2. The movie was really good. Great chase scenes and more bullets fired than in Saving Private Ryan. Then, while experiencing a flashback to younger days, some risky stunts, pole clinging, hill rolling and tree climbing ensued. It was sooo much fun doing the things that have become silly with age that it saddens me that we are not supposed to just do crazy stuff because it's fun. I am sure that whoever saw the two grown men atop the tree on the hill outside the theaters would have thought we were crazy but why? Is it crazy to want to climb a tree becausei it's fun? Is it crazy to take a flying leap over the guardrail and roll uncontrolably to the bottom of the hill? (wll maybe that one) Is it crazy to just forget that you are suposedly too old for the simple pleasures enjoyed by children? Then I am crazy. Because that stuff was as much fun as I have had in a long time. When was the last time you just played outside and had genuine fun? When was the last time you wore a smile from ear to ear because you forgot the grown up world? When has partying or whatever you do for fun now made you as happy as catching frogs with you best pal, or building a fort or just imagining what you would be when you grow up? Wow am I tired and rambling. But I hope you get the point. Take time to smell the roses,,,or at least pick some from the neighbor's garden and run like hell! Good night everybody.

2003-07-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend Jeff Wadden yesterday in Ontario. He was once an employee of Stream who has moved on to become very successful. He is now the manager of a large manufacturing company and is doing very well for himself. Jeff is a computer genious and possibly the smartest guy I know (with the exception of Steve Malloy who is a freak! He has the most amazing power of retention I have ever seen and knows the most mundane details about almost everything). But Jeff is a great guy and in the short time we were friends here we had alot of fun. Do you know that one person in your life that has a contagious laugh and when you are together everything is insanely funny and all you do is laugh? Well, Jeff is my LSD. For example, Gremlins is an OK movie, but I watched it with Jeff and it was the funniest movie I have ever seen in my life. hahaha So that's Jeff. Well Jeff, an avid fan of humour, printed off the Melvin story when it was posted on drinkingstories and hung it on the bulletin board at work. Apparently the Melvin story has gained a following so now Melvin is a local celebrity in 2 provinces. I predict that pretty soon Melvin will be as big as the "I didn't do it!" kid from the Krusty the clown show. hahahaha

So anyway, today is Friday. And it should be a good day because I have a date. I am going to spend a quiet evening with the most beautiful guy I have ever met. He is funny smart and handsome. He knows how to make me smile like noboby before him ever has. He has beautiful eyes and whether I am just holding him or he is being playful, spending time with him is the greatest thing in my life. He even gives the best hugs! I am very happy he came into my life and thank God for him every day. I love him so much I just want the world to know! So now you do.

P.S. Thanks again to Rick for saving the day and the appearance of my blog! You are the Blog F*ing Master!

2003-07-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

The Melvin Story:

For those of you that don't know Melvin, he is the only guy I know who will need to ask people if he had a good time last night. I have actually had him come into a conversation and laugh his ass off at the story and ask who did that when it was him I was talking about. But for those of you that do know Melvin, you will laugh and say, "Yup, that's Melvin!"

Back in the day, when Stream was new and still Stream, we had a hardware contract for a major computer manufacturer. that is where I started taking calls. To help with getting our young site running with this contract, a group of agents from other sites were shipped in and lodged at the Cambridge Suites in Sydney. This is where our story takes place. On more than one occasion, a few of us agents would go and party with the these imported Mentors.

I am sure we have all been in this situation. It is 8am. We have closed Smootherman's (as it was affectionately known by the American Mentors), did the Jasper's thing and were still drinking heartily. And even though most of us had slowed down a bit, Melvin was sitting there with a glass of straight tequila. So Jennifer Barr (our trainer and constant level head) Myself and a team Supervisor who asked to be left unidentified decided that we were going to head downstairs for the complimentary continental breakfast. When we asked Melvin to join us he looked at us like we had just asked him to turn down a job as a supermodel masseuse and, pointing to his glass said, "And leave this here?! No Way! I will be down when I finish."

So the three of us made our way to the dining room. I felt a little uncomfortable when I looked around to see that most of the people there were well dressed businesspeople in their suits and very businesslike attire. I quickly grabbed some croissants and cereal and found a seat at our table. About 10 minutes later Melvin comes off of the elevator, which amazed me because on my best day if I were to drink a full glass of tequila in 10 minutes I would not be eating anytime soon. But there was Melvin, sock feet, jeans, white T-shirt, sleeves rolled up showing off his tattoos on either shoulder from a tattoo display we had participated in about 6 drinks ago. The poor waitress saw him coming and ran over insisting that he could not come in without shoes on. Appearing very frustrated at that Melvin put a very serious look on his face and said "Well I will go get some shoes then, but I am coming back!" And poor Melvin staggered back to the elevator. We all had a little chuckle at poor Melvin's scolding.

For the rest of this story I want you to picture where we are. Imagine the fancy layout, the business people dining with impecable manners, the elderly couples out for breakfast, etc. You got the picture? Now the elevator opens and here comes Melvin. He still has the same rough appearance with the ratty jeans, white T-shirt, the tattoos showing but there is one difference. He was now sporting a pair of high heel Hooker Boots! I am talking shiny black leather, four inch heels, zippers open on the sides because they don't fit his feet! Now put that into your mental picture. As he enters the restaurant, he shouts to the waitress that he is back and is wearing shoes now and makes his way towards the buffet that is right in front of our table. Now he is standing there, looking at the food while everyone else in the restaurant are looking at him uncomfortably, and he turns around with his tattoos and hooker boots and says, and I quote, "So do I gotta get a plate and act all respectable and shit?" We lost it. I personally could not even speak for about 15 minutes. It is still the funniest thing I have ever seen and I doubt it will ever be topped.

I originally posted this story on drinkingstories.web1000.com and if you would like to check out more great drinking stories you should check this site out.

2003-07-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

Well as you may see I now have a comments section. Is this because I am a computer whiz? No! Is it because I researched the html codes on the net and found out how to build it? No! It's because Rick MacKeigan is awesome. He showed me where to go to get it set up and talked me through it. Thanks Rick! Now everyone can feel free to give me shit about whatever you want!

2003-07-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well everyone, it has taken me one day to screw this up. I somehow forgot the username for my first blog and it does not say the email address I used is correct. Did I mention that I am teaching myself to type and I guess that I need more practice. lol So I will try again. Here is the original post from my first attempt:

Well here goes. It seems like everyone who's anyone has a blog so I am jumping on the bandwagon. My first entry. Well let's start with a little about me. I work in the Quality department of a call center and I am currently wasting valuable work time to create this blog. I have the best son a man could ask for and his Mom is Ok too. (By OK I mean she is the greatest freaking thing since sliced bread and I am not just saying that because she went crazy last time I posted it because everyone else I mentioned was great and she was just OK.) We are not together because she is childish and spoiled,,,and I am exactly the same way. And everybody knows that opposites attract and visa-versa. But Amy is a good Mom and although there were some dark times, we get along well and we make a pretty good team as far as new parents go. Connor is still alive and has all of his parts in tact so we must be doing something right! lol I also have a great roommate named Tanya who keeps the homefires burning so when I make my rare appearances I still have a place to live. And she has been there for me through some tough times and I love her for that. (And no we are not sleeping together.) My best friend in the world is Sean Casey. He is an amazing artist who does editorial comics for the Cape Breton Post three days a week and works full time in a small options home.(That means he works with the mentally challenged so he has been taught how to deal with me sometimes. lol) He is the most decent and caring person I have ever met and it makes me proud that he is my best friend. (And no, we are not sleeping together.) hahahaha And I have to mention Jamie who is rapidly climbing the best friend ladder because she is always there for me. I am glad that I got to know the stuck up snotty bitch who had way too much attitude in A-bay because it turns ou she's OK! 9And yeah, we're doing it! hahahaha Just kidding! I would try but she is stronger than me!) And there are lots of other characters in my life who are very important to me and I will defianately be including them in my tales but for now I need to do some work because I have spent valuable work time creating this blog and I am soooo behind. Also, if you would like to comment on my blog feel free to come to the Quality department and set that up. lol It is in the works.
Posted by: Shane / 7:24 AM

So today I had to remake the whole thing. lol Another day of work time well spent. hahaha I am about to attempt to get my comments link added by myself (keep in mind I couldn't even set up the blog and be able to get into it the next day) so this may never make it to the webpage. lol